we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
