p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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