"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
