i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
