I haven't been this sober since birth.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
