i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
