i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
