dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
