STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will pee on everything he values.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize