If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
