RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
