Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
