high people should be assigned attendants
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
