I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
