I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
