Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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