Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize