You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
