I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
