god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
