the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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