I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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