So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
