# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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