its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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