The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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