Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
