He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
