I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
