If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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