WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
