I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
