It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
