You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
