So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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