I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
