Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
