the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
