That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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