Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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