I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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