woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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