Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
