3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
