i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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