Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
