Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
