No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
