Swine flu is the new snow day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
