Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
