I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
