You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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