every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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