dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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