Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
