last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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