why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize