She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
