Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
