It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
