Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
