yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
pop tarts are not kleenex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
