I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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