paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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