so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
