hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
