I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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