My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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