just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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