Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize