Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
