So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i've created a new STD.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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