Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
