and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
