Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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