apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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