cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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