She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
