did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
