you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
