If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
