There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
